O.J. Simpson, My Cousin Neal & What I Knew | almamyrtle.com

I remember being 12 years old the summer that O.J. Simpson murdered his wife, Nicole Brown Simpson. My family as many of you know is very mixed with black & white people, so for them the case was a very big racial deal. For me, it was a struggle to sit in the knowingness without being falsely judged by my very own family. It was a struggle against being pulled from side to side.

Some wanted justice because they believed that he did it...and they tied it to his skin. Others wanted justice because they believed that he was entitled to a victory with because of his skin...for once a black man should go free regardless. These were unspoken beliefs that everyone was aware of. To me, they were beliefs that distracted everyone from what actually happened.

My cousin Neal Craig played football with O.J. for the Buffalo Bills. He used to get into arguments with O.J. a lot (O.J. was a hot-head back then too). After a while, my cousin Neal got transfered to the Cleveland Browns in order to continue doing what he did best.

My aunt,uncle and other family members would ask me over & over "Do you think that he did it?" and "Do you think that O.J. murdered his wife?" At first I would just say "Yes, he did." It was tough for me because I felt like all these adults relied on me for answers but many of them did not want to hear the truth and were ready to lash out at me or praise me in a false light for simply telling them what I saw.

After a while, I stopped answering that intense question. I didn't care for the tension & manipulation of others. It frustrated me to no end to simply say something true only to get some strange detached reaction. It was if they had forgotten that I was real. I began to feel like I was being choked for telling the truth so I remained quiet about it as often as I could.

Instead, I started paying attention to the dimes that I kept finding whenever Nicole came to mind and whenever I saw the car chase replay on the T.V. for then few years. I had always felt a connection to Nicole Brown Simpson in part because of my last name(which was "Brown" before I legally dropped my last name in 2011)...but also because she screamed as hard as she could while she was being murdered but she was not heard. I knew what it felt like to not be heard.

To some people, telling the truth is a personal attack because they feel safe in the illusion. The thing is, the truth is simply the truth and within that neutrality a lot can be gained and there is power. It is not about attacking someone personally. It's about bringing the scene into full focus. It's about excelling within your learning here on earth & everywhere else you may go within your existence.

* Special thanks to my Uncle Julian Allen for helping me with this story. I love you so much. Thank you for believing in me.