Strength Of 1,000 Universes | almamyrtle.com

Hi angels.

I've been getting a strong nudge to post this. It's quite personal but I cannot ignore the call to share it with you plus, I'm not afraid tell you truth. Please feel free to share it with anyone who needs it especially now around the holidays. This is also on my website.

It's that time of year where news feeds are flooded with sayings like "Hug your family it's Christmas..." "Love your family..."

For some people, every year or maybe just this year the subject of family & the holidays can be touchy. I always say try not to assume that everyone will spend the holidays the same way that people on greeting cards or sitcoms do. I recently had someone say to me "Have a wonderful time with your family on Christmas." I knew that he meant well but it was hard to hear that because my family is not a "together" kind of family. In fact, we're separated by anger, racism, homophobia,religion,indifference, heavy criminal backgrounds,denial & mental illness.

This year, I got real with my family & I often confronted certain individuals about their racist or homophobic behaviour. I found so much strength in having been abandoned in my life because in the moments where I was able to speak up to certain family members, I felt strong enough to know that I'm safe out on my own without their negativity. Separate from the negative stuff, abandonment has made me a fast thinking, strong, outspoken & independent woman. Furthermore, as time has recently revealed, the abandonment in my life has helped me to feel less afraid of being separated from people who are not good for me...including certain family members. My family is quite large and it's filled with many different nationalities, religions & sexual preferences. I have family in the U.S., Africa & Europe. Im the one who links everyone. It's not easy but God made it this way for me so Im doing the best that I can with it. In fact, I myself have had to repeatedly choose which side to celebrate with on any given holiday. It's not fun. It's painful & frustrating. I pray for world peace and for peace within my family everyday. My family struggles with race, religion & homophobia, to start. I have a gay brother whose father(our dad) is openly against gays. He teaches his followers(he's a pastor & a writer) his beliefs. Our dad sends picture messages to me about how gays shouldn't marry & that only a straight man & straight woman belong at the alter in holy matrimony. I love my dad so much. We have great conversations but they are quite limited. We don't talk as much as Id like because I won't force myself to pretend to agree with him just so that I can hear his voice. My father, who has married at least 5 times & cheated on most of his wives & left all of his children, has barely apologized for the damage & separation that he caused...yet he insists that marriage is a strong union in God's name that must be honored between a straight man & a straight woman, only. My dad started sending me those picture messages after I wrote a few blogs & posts about supporting gays.

One does not have to be gay or know a gay person in order to support gays.

I have racists in my family too. They cannot accept themselves so, they grow silent toward me when I bring up certain family members in order to remind me that they do not support me in helping us to become a more loving blended family. I have family members who look just like me but behave as if I am not related to them. I have family members who do not look like me but want to get close to me because of my popularity. Im only zeroing in on the problematic ones here. I do have family members of different ethnicities who are very loving and supportive toward me.

I am not 1 color. I do not have to be 1 color in order to support 1,2,3 or more colors. I am not one ethnicity. I do not have to be 1,2,3 or more ethnicities in order to support another.

I have criminals in my family too.

To this day, I cannot understand why anyone in our family would insist that I try to grow close to either of them after all of the lives that they ruined. My family's excuse is "he's family and he loves you." and "He remembers you when you were little". The thing is my family sees the work that I do with children & women yet some have insisted that I keep in touch with the criminals because we are related. It's as if my work is not real to them. To them, it's as if I should lead my business & relationships with my readers,friends & soul family without integrity all for the sake of keeping my biological family together. I will never do that. I have not & I will never. I've allowed myself to be lonely without their false idea of love & respect for the sole purpose of preserving all that is real & gentle within me & with my relationships with all of you.

I was not murdered, molested or raped. I did not have to be in order to support those who have been.

I have an adoptive family too. My aunt & uncle adopted me & some people on their end either do not like it, cannot accept me as family or simply do not want to cultivate a relationship with me. They act as if I was some forced situation that was never meant to be. To some of them, dna or at least court papers matter the most. It's quite painful and I've been enduring this since I was 7. As the years go by and as my experiences with them repeat/unfold, I see that on one end, my placement within this family is about being a living example for all of them in many profound ways(even if they aren't close to me). And to the ones who hold such disdain for me as the outcast, I help them to look within as they journey through self-healing. They see me as an outcast ...and when they look in the mirror, they see an outcast too. Im beginning to see the wider picture & Im forgiving more easily these days. Im forgiving by way of understanding each individual's personal issues toward me without burdening myself with the false notion that I implemented their personal belief systems. And although I have what my friend calls "the strength of 1,000 universes" Im growing softer toward myself & my necessary independence from my families.

Im not one of them but I am connected to all of them.

I have Jews in my family too. My uncle is a Polish American Jew. He raised me with my aunt. My uncle has 2 sons who are also Jewish. They are like brothers to me. There's always a weird quietness when I mention this side of my family to my biological family members. Some do not know what to say. It's as if they are trying not to say something negative about me being raised with Jews. Some family members try to dissociate me with them because I was initially raised as a Christian. It's as if they wish to claim me for the sake of the phobia. I do not consider myself religious but I honor Judaism through my uncle and cousins. I love my uncle very much. He has helped me to be strong and to think with a strong mind. He has always believed in me.

My uncle and cousins don't think about religion when they think about how much they care for me. Love is love.

If your Holiday season has been rough, or if you've had a rough many in life, please remember that there are others out there just like you. I have you in my thoughts & in my heart. May you have a beautiful week & rest of the year.

Keep your inner light glowing for others to see during times of darkness and you will be rewarded the gifts of strength & wisdom.

You are strong.

Love you all,

Alma