How Being Told Not To Cry Affected Me | almamyrtle.com

This is for anyone who suffers from any form of anxiety. It might help you to look back & see where your anxiety came from. I believe that many of the things that make us anxious are things that are connected to childhood experiences.

When I was little I cried a lot. I cried so often that I got teased by classmates & even some adults in my family. I was generally a very studious, alert & upbeat child but if someone fell out of their chair, while others laughed, I'd cry. If a classmate called another classmate ugly, I'd cry. If a classmate started crying because they didn't get a prize, I'd cry too.

I just felt sad with the other person & their troubles became my own. It was hard for me to be around the other students sometimes but I loved school otherwise & I was a top student.

One year in elementary school, my teacher Mrs. Snow told my mother about my "crying problem". She said that I should not be so sensitive & wondered if something was wrong with me. When I heard her say this about me I felt like I had done something wrong.

I knew that I had upset Mrs. Snow because she was sad inside & often wanted to cry. She felt that she shouldn't cry about what made her sad & she would often express that by being tough on herself in front of us. She had a cold edge but she did her best to smile through her pain. I liked her most when she grew gentle during story time. Sometimes, while peeling her apple she'd mention that she missed Mr. Snow, her deceased husband.

Anyway...

My mother & Mrs. Snow told to me that babies cry & that I was crying for no reason. I tried to explain that I cry so much because I feel sad when others are sad. I apologized to Mrs. Snow & from there forward, I did my best to avoid crying during school hours.

When I became an adult & moved out on my own, I discovered that much of my anxiety was me just wanting to cry. I worked with an art therapist who helped me express my anxiety by putting colors & shapes to it. She helped me to get back to releasing the anxiety through tears, instead of holding in my emotions & getting anxious.

Through this form of non-traditional therapy I was able to remember my time in class with my teacher & confront one of many reasons why I was plagued with anxiety in my younger years.

I was also reminded that there is strength in tears.

Keep shining & living as the strong & sensitive being that you are. Everything that you've been through, you came through. Keep going.

<3

photo courtesy of huffingtonpost.com