A Friend

It’s good to take inventory of your friendships as well as the way that you yourself deal with certain friendships in your life. Lately, I’ve been doing just that. I’ve been asking myself the hard things like “Do I feel safe around these people even though I hang out/talk to them?” “Am I a good friend to this person? Do I speak up enough?” ,”Do I want to make the effort to reach out? Do I care?” & “I’ve always felt this person’s selfishness but I always bypass it. Why? Should I keep him/her around distantly?” At the end of the day, I feel safest when I’m by myself. But…I need to open up more so, I have been doing just that. It feels scary at times because people want to know more about me & I close up or shove a business card in their hands and call it a night. However, opening up lately has felt like a whole new world, you know? So funny how things happen… I had a friend who never wanted to come over & hang out with me, but she always felt really offended when I couldn’t go out to see her(no matter what was going on in my life, she always found a way to be the victim). I kept her at arm’s length but I still felt love for her as I’ve known her for many years. Last week she asked me to go over to her place(she has never come to see my apt. btw) but because of my dad’s heart attack(he’s ok now) & all the family drama that went on & setting up readings,the making of the 1st meditation course on the almamyrtle website,my certification classes & managing 3 retail stores), the last thing I wanted to do was take a break & have things go awry, plus go really far from my house to be around a selfish person.. And now, with her having blocked me without voicing her feelings(no announcement ! lol! ), I can only see that I did myself a favor by not hanging out with her! I wish she would have asked me how I was doing instead of expecting me to post each life event here on Facebook. The strange thing is, I sent her a picture of my maze-like schedule(she always thinks that people are lying when they say that they can’t hang out with her) so she knew that I wasn’t kidding. …….This is a very clear example of a selfish friend. I forgive her though. I get it so, I forgive her and anyway, she’s not the worse of my ex-friends. But…it’s time to move on. So, since her & I are no longer friends, I’m going to continue with the tough questions. I really feel that it’s the best way to stay right with yourself. It’s not easy especially if you’re a hermit like me or you’ve been back-stabbed and/or misunderstood & rejected but it’s part of this intense journey called life. I think that the more we reach inside & find a friend within, the less we expect others to make up for that. Not easy but we can do it, don’t you think? Have a peaceful day everyone. <3